I may need to say something that is (seemingly) nice about someone, but I’d prefer it be very subtly backhanded or nearly believable hyperbole.
Edit: I realized that I was imagining something like how the Colbert Report was done where it’s easy to believe I’m agreeing when really I’m spoofing.
Why do you need to? Arent there enough assholes already?
I bet you’re fun at parties.
Why do you assume that the person advocating to not be an asshole wouldn’t be fun at parties?
you poor sweet thing. you might be the brightest crayon in the box but that blunt tip makes it hard to stay in the lines. (I mean this in the most positive way. not all crayons are perfect, and they don’t need to be)
I’ll spoon feed it to you.
you responded to a post asking for backhanded compliments by outright calling OP an asshole for asking for backhanded compliments and had the audacity to not even provide what OP asked for.
I then took the opportunity to provide a tongue-in-cheek response that was a backhanded compliment and an appropriate response to someone who completely ignored the the whole point of the post.
what you did was akin to walking up to a conversation between people at a party, interjecting when you felt offended by the content that you involved yourself in, and called everyone an asshole.
what an asshole thing to do, right?
I suggest that in the future you save the condescension for the end, not the start, if you want the recipient to actually finish reading your message.
couldn’t care less if you read it or not.
you asked for me to explain myself, I did.
read it. don’t read it.
“I bet you’re fun at parties”
No one who says that is fun at parties
I’m a blast. not really fair though, I don’t associate myself with assholes so every party is a blast.
I have befriended someone who has high opinions of some people I regard as selfish toxic idiots. I don’t feel the need to launch a frontal assault on this person’s beliefs, but I also don’t want to simply agree with them.
Admittedly, it’s passive aggressive. I may not follow through.
You can express your views about these people in a dispassionate manner as well. It’s not a choice between being a dick about it or agreeing with them. Nothing good comes from passive aggression. You’d probably consider that toxic too if it were directed at you or your opinions.
If you don’t say anything, they assume you agree with them. It’s a fine line between letting them know you (maybe respectfully) disagree, vs. actively debating, but in some cases I think it’s worthwhile to try to let them know you aren’t inside their bubble. Agree outright dickishness is unhelpful, but so much depends on the specifics of the relationship and circumstances of delivery.
fair point
currently, I just don’t reply
edit: My other thought was to really lean into agreeing with them. For example: The friend doesn’t explicitly embrace these people’s racism, but maybe it would make an impact if the friend witnessed me celebrating these people’s racism when the friend praises them for something else.
I use the blank stare with “what do you mean?” Then I continue to be clueless as they explain whatever shitty viewpoint they’re backing.
This is the most fun way to see just how shitty a racist is. The ones that still have a modicum of shame end up trying to tap dance around outright saying the quiet part out loud, and making them super uncomfortable playing dumb is my favorite way to interact with those kinds of people.