I may need to say something that is (seemingly) nice about someone, but I’d prefer it be very subtly backhanded or nearly believable hyperbole.
Edit: I realized that I was imagining something like how the Colbert Report was done where it’s easy to believe I’m agreeing when really I’m spoofing.
You can express your views about these people in a dispassionate manner as well. It’s not a choice between being a dick about it or agreeing with them. Nothing good comes from passive aggression. You’d probably consider that toxic too if it were directed at you or your opinions.
If you don’t say anything, they assume you agree with them. It’s a fine line between letting them know you (maybe respectfully) disagree, vs. actively debating, but in some cases I think it’s worthwhile to try to let them know you aren’t inside their bubble. Agree outright dickishness is unhelpful, but so much depends on the specifics of the relationship and circumstances of delivery.
fair point
currently, I just don’t reply
edit: My other thought was to really lean into agreeing with them. For example: The friend doesn’t explicitly embrace these people’s racism, but maybe it would make an impact if the friend witnessed me celebrating these people’s racism when the friend praises them for something else.
I use the blank stare with “what do you mean?” Then I continue to be clueless as they explain whatever shitty viewpoint they’re backing.
This is the most fun way to see just how shitty a racist is. The ones that still have a modicum of shame end up trying to tap dance around outright saying the quiet part out loud, and making them super uncomfortable playing dumb is my favorite way to interact with those kinds of people.