Not a traumatic brain injury…

It’s a change in perspective. It’s hard to explain without referencing the experience itself.

It’s like spending your whole life at the bottom of a valley. You have everything you need. Your life is whole. And then someone takes you to the top of a mountain and you can see a million valleys and a million mountains and an endless sky. Your valley is the same, it hasn’t changed, but suddenly everything is different. Your life is still whole, but that means something else, now.

That doesn’t do it justice, but hopefully you get the picture…

“Born with…?” We are born with nothing but potential. We are a product of our environment, right up until we realise that we are a product of our environment. Then we have a choice; continue as we are, or choose to be something different. It doesn’t matter which we choose, though… We can no longer blame our parents, our society, our environment, for who we are.

That is a strange question, though. If I was born with empathy and a drive to be a kind, gentle, teaching human then I think babies would be high on the list of people I would want to spend time with. Kindness begets kindness and we know the world could use more kindness!

When I was young I was a bit of an arse. Raised by narcissists, I definitely had narcissistic tendencies. It was all I knew. When my first son was born it was a profound moment. I saw the potential in that tiny, helpless baby and his possible futures… Based on what I was and what I had to teach, I realised that those futures weren’t great. So I changed. I have tried every day since to be the parent that I wish I had. I have embraced empathy and kindness. I have shed the anger and vanity… And I have forgiven myself for not doing it sooner. I’m not perfect. I make mistakes. When I see a baby I see the potential. It reminds me of how much I’ve changed, how proud of my kids I am, how much I love my family, how much joy I have in my life.

More or less…

I like all babies. I do prefer my own, and I only moon over babies if I know the parents and have approval…

A baby. As soon as my son was born I knew we’d have another. And we did. Then I had a vasectomy because I knew we’d never stop. Babies are cool.

You could try “I’m going to do this thing on this day. If you would like to join me, I’ll be there at this time. Let me know if you’re coming by (RSVP date) so that I can book you a spot/plate/room: it will be $this much.” And then make your plans and do them anyway.

This way it’s clear that you are doing the thing. If people say “can we do this or this instead?” you reply with “Hey, great idea! Maybe next time. I’ve already planned the other thing for this time.”

Sometimes it will be on your own. Sometimes others will want to join you. Sometimes you can join others on their quests, too, but remember to not try and change their plans to suit yourself.